We all make mistakes. As humans, sinning is in our nature. That’s why when Adam AS ate the apple Allah taught him powerful words of forgiveness “Our lord, we have wronged ourselves, and if you do not forgive us and have mercy on us, we will surely be among the losers.” Ayah 23 surah Al-A’raf. Dhul-Hijjah is an opportunity for us to wipe our slates clean. Allah has blessed this holy month to benefit us and it would be unwise to not take advantage.

This Dhul-Hijjah I spent away from my home. I travelled to an Islamic country in hopes of having the ultimate Islamic experience. At first it was amazing. Hearing the Adhan for every salah filled me with comfort. I came during Ramadan and the plan was to stay until after Dhul-Hijjah. During Ramadan, your iman is high and worshipping Allah becomes easier, standing up at night for prayer becomes easier, everything becomes easier. I managed to equate that sense of high iman to being in an islamic country. I confused the blessings of Ramadan with being in a Muslim country. It was only after Ramadan that I realised that I was no different in an islamic country than I was back in the UK.

Leading up to this holy month of Dhul-Hijjah, I felt my iman wane. The positive attitude I had during Ramadan started to diminish. My acts of ibadah started to lessen and I lost faith in myself. I didn’t think I could go through Dhul-Hijjah whilst being the type of Muslim I wanted to be. That being said, the day before Dhul-Hijjah I started my menstrual cycle. It was a bit of a relief because now I had an excuse to not do as well as I knew I wouldn’t. During these days I pondered and I remembered a hadith:

Abdullah ibn Busr (may Allah be pleased with him) narrated that one of the Prophet’s Companions said, “O Messenger of Allah. I am overwhelmed by so many injunctions of Islam. So tell me something to which I may hold fast.”
The Prophet replied, “Keep your tongue wet with the remembrance of Allah.” (At Tirmidhi)

I often focus too much on everything I need to do and when I become too overwhelmed by it I abandon it all; whilst bitterly existing in guilt. This hadith makes it all simple. You don’t have to do much, outside of the obligatory acts, except remembering Allah. Then by the will of Allah, everything falls into place. There’s a dua that I love. Every time I read this dua, I feel it soothes my heart. The dua is:

يَا مُقَلِّبَ الْقُلُوبِ ثَبِّتْ قَلْبِي عَلَى دِينِك

‘Ya Muqallibal qulub, thabbit qalbi ‘ala dinik.’ (Sunan Tirmidhi, Hadith: 2140)

Translation: O Turner of hearts, keep my heart steadfast on your Din.

I remember something Umar ibn Al Khattab said: “I am not worried about whether my dua will be responded to, but rather I am worried about whether I will be able to make dua or not. So if I have been guided by Allāh to make dua, then I know that the response will come with it”. So you have to remember Allah, make dua and trust that Allah will make it easy for you.

Whilst being away from the UK I learnt the significance of an islamic community. The irony is that while I was in a muslim country, I didn’t get nearly as much out of the society, islamically, than I did at home. I missed the constant encouragement that I got from everyone around me. The active presence of deen in the air. I knew that if I was still back home, my iman wouldn’t have fallen as fast as it did. It wasn’t necessarily sins that made my iman decrease, but a lack of active remembrance of Allah. It made me realise the value of having a good community for the sake of Allah. Being with my community would have allowed me to remember that Dhul-Hijjah is the time to start over, much earlier. If you fast on the day of Arafah, all of your sins are forgiven. It’s a clean slate. The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said, “There are no days during which righteous deeds are more beloved to Allah than these days,” meaning the (first) ten days of Dhul Hijjah. [ Sunan Ibn Majah #1727 ]

I am very fortunate that I was able to fast some of these blessed days. I am also very lucky that I will be able to worship Allah to a full extent on the day that Allah has completed and perfected the deen. May Allah keep us steadfast upon his religion and may Allah allow us to always remember how vast his mercy and forgiveness is, and that no matter how hopeless you feel, there is always hope. Allah wants us to go to Jannah. All we have to do is put in a little effort and have faith in his mercy.