As I reconnected with Allah and decided I wanted to get closer to Him and live my life for the sake of earning His pleasure, I bought many Islamic books to try and fill my insatiable hunger for knowledge. But then I realised that all these books are like the branches of a tree, connected to a thick unwavering trunk that represents the Quran along with the Sunnah of our beloved Prophet (may peace and blessing be upon him), and to truly grasp the many connections these books have with each other, I have to turn to the Book of Allah.

I remember sitting on the floor of my room reflecting on the lack of knowledge I had with the book of Allah, how I didn’t even know what Tajweed was at the age of 20. I felt like there was a wall between my heart and the beautiful Quran that is waiting to be understood, reflected, and acted upon for the sake of Allah. I was so ashamed that I didn’t know how to fluently recite the Quran in a beautiful manner, as I sheepishly tried to mimic Mishary Rashid. Because of this, I started to cry a flow of tears as I turned to Allah with a desperate heart pleading “Ya Allah help me be connected to you through your beautiful Book, I want to recite Your Words in a beautiful manner with Tajweed. Please help me learn the Quran and help me recite it for your sake.”

Around 2 months after my dua, I remember I came across Madinah College London through their Student Sundays podcast as prior to listening to the podcast I’d never heard of the institution. Alhamdulillah. I started to research the Quran memorisation and Tajweed course and the Arabic foundation course and was excited to apply and start as soon as possible In Shaa Allah. I got into the Arabic course Alhamdullilah, but I found out that the Quran class was full already and wasn’t any more space left. I started to cry so hard as I really wanted to connect with the Quran and memorise it with perfect Tajweed, and in that moment I felt I was moving further away from that goal ever becoming a reality. I fell into despair and my mum tried so hard to comfort me but at that moment I couldn’t respond, I just felt so numb and cold as I felt Shaytan locking me into a state of despair and hopelessness. It may seem like I over-exaggerated to some but to me, it meant so much to be able to understand the Quran and for it to be a source of light to my heart. I don’t think I slept that night due to the sadness I felt, but with the help of Allah, I managed to force myself to get up and pray Tahajjud, making the same dua but with even more tears and asking Allah that if there is any goodness in starting my Quran my journey in Madinah college if I am meant to be entrusted with the Quran and act upon it and teach others when I am more knowledgeable – then make it easier for me to attain.

Alhamdulillah Allah answered my Dua. The very next morning I see an email that there is another new Quran class being added and to hurry before it gets full. I applied with speed and told my mother once I got the confirmation I was in. Allahu Akbar. He answered it with such sweet mercy I still can’t believe that my Dua was answered so soon and within months I have improved with Quran and Arabic so much. SubhanAllah. I was blessed with a lovely and supportive Quran and Arabic teacher who I love for the sake of Allah and who has taught me that I should be patient with myself when memorising and reciting Surahs of the Quran and saw a light within me when I didn’t even see it in myself and was impatient with myself when I didn’t live up to my unrealistic expectations of getting things fast. But Allah loves those who try consistently and He is As-Sabur, the Most Patient One. Through my lessons, I was able to pass on the knowledge that I was gaining from my teacher and my studies to my mother, who also didn’t know tajweed but was willing to learn. My mother continues to inspire me to pursue knowledge as she shows up to her online classes with her fellow sisters and makes an effort to improve by doing her homework and asking me questions whenever she needs help. She further proves that it’s never too late to learn for the sake of Allah and grow to become the best Muslim you can possibly be. Although I felt intimidated at times and embarrassed when I recited in the presence of sisters who are more knowledgeable about the Quran than I am, I realised that I don’t have to prove myself to anyone and that I’m not doing it to show off but I’m doing it to strengthen the bond between myself and Allah, and I should see the sisters as motivation and inspiration for me to consistently learn and not give up.

Though seeking knowledge I’ve learnt the importance of surrounding yourself with Muslims who are also on that journey to seeking knowledge and improving themselves, so they can hold you accountable and you all can inspire and grow with each other. I’ve grown to enjoy the company of my fellow sisters in both my Quran and Arabic classes I’ve also learnt how seeking knowledge and teaching it creates a ripple effect of good deeds. The initial good deeds that my Quran and Arabic teacher and the institution received are further multiplied as I learn and pass on that knowledge to my mother In Shaa Allah. Lastly, I’ve truly appreciated the act of humbling yourself before you have learnt something new and after you have gained knowledge, as our knowledge is a gift and an Amanah from Allah. Therefore, we must continue to inspire those in our ummah to seek knowledge and act upon it for the sake of Allah SWT as we will be held accountable for the knowledge we have gained and the actions that were followed afterward.

I know that my journey to seeking knowledge has only just started and I strive to grow every day for His Sake till I die In Shaa Allah. But to  think it all started with a sincere dua and a flow of tears – SubhanAllah.